Nov. 30, 2020

I’m Not Sure if I’m Self-Aware - Part 1

I’m Not Sure if I’m Self-Aware - Part 1

Today on We Do Hard Things, we’re going to look at how to identify people, including ourselves, who lack self awareness and what we can do about it.  Welcome to Part 1 of I’m Not Sure if I’m Self-Aware.

 

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Transcript

Chris  0:00  
Today on we do hard things, we're going to look at how to identify people, including ourselves, who lack self awareness, and what we can do about it. Welcome to Part One of I'm not sure if I'm self aware.

Mary Catherine  0:24  
Welcome to we do hard things, a conversation about shared experiences, lifting each other up and thriving in a community of people who do hard things. And now, here are your hosts, Chris and Mary Katherine. Hello, everybody. This is Chris.   

And This is Mary Catherine. 

Chris  0:46  
How are you all doing? How are you doing? Mary Catherine?

Mary Catherine  0:49  
Yeah. All right.

Chris  0:51  
This has been a kind of a sad weekend as we record this today. Am I right? Yeah. Are you gonna cry?

Mary Catherine  1:04  
So we had to cancel our trip to Jamaica. Oh, we should have come with a warning. No serious. First World white people. Right.

Chris  1:15  
Not to make jest. But I mean, we've been planning this trip for quite a long time to take our kids to Jamaica two years. Yeah. And, you know, we were supposed to go spring break. Mm hmm. And that didn't work. Rona. Because of the Rona. And now, we just made the call because Jamaica is a category for right now, which is not necessarily safe, right for those people that we love. Yes. And we didn't, we didn't think it would be really smart for us to travel.

You know, on a plane, a couple different planes, and all the way over to Jamaica, and then back. It just didn't make sense for us to do that. So we made the choice to to postpone that trip.

Mary Catherine  1:59  
Yes, we did. And our kids as different as they are had two polar opposite responses. So Harrison, so Chris is like say hi. You said to him the first. Hey, I

Chris  2:13  
have bad news, Harrison. Oh, no, what? We're, we're gonna have to postpone our trip to Jamaica. We're not gonna be able to go this this Christmas.

Mary Catherine  2:22  
So can I send you my Christmas list?

Chris  2:26  
That's exactly how long it took him.

Mary Catherine  2:28  
Right. He didn't pause. He just goes said, can I send you my Christmases? And

Chris  2:31  
he was excited about going to Jamaica,

Mary Catherine  2:33  
but he doesn't know he's never traveled. Right. Although he's true. He's kind of Hawaii. Yeah, in New York. But so what was funniest is not that he was so quick to respond. But then you said yes. And

Chris  2:47  
ding. Because we had said we weren't gonna we weren't gonna do Christmas presents, right? Because we had spent this money for Jamaica.

Mary Catherine  2:54  
So who has a list? Nobody. But Harrison does. He had

Chris  2:57  
it already planned out. He has a running list of things he wants all the time. Right. So, you know, if we weren't going to have presence for Christmas, he had those waiting for, you know, Groundhog Day. And he didn't. So if we didn't celebrate Groundhog Day, then he was going to try to use those in some weird way of getting gifts on Memorial Day, right? And then fourth of July.

Mary Catherine  3:19  
Whatever holiday

Chris  3:20  
it always has this running list of things that he wants. Yeah,

Mary Catherine  3:23  
he is a watcher. But what was so funny, as you said, Yes. And your phone was like

Chris  3:28  
doing literally three seconds later, I had the gift that he wanted, which I don't know if you heard what it was. It was an $800 Lego set.

Mary Catherine  3:42  
And I has lost I am.

Chris  3:44  
I did what I did two things. First, I deleted it from my phone. Because I didn't even want to look at it. And secondly, I told him, Are you crazy? Get a job. Get a j ob dude,

Mary Catherine  3:57  
start doing some things for me. I'll pay you money for stuff.

Chris  4:00  
I mean, I'm not spending $800 on a

Mary Catherine  4:04  
leg assessment. Dad. It's investment

Chris  4:06  
when I didn't even have a car that was worth $800 when I was a

Mary Catherine  4:12  
good points, you know? Yes.

Chris  4:15  
I mean, I drove a truck Datsun pickup where you could see the ground through the floorboards. As I was driving. I could feel the air underneath the truck going up my pant legs.

Mary Catherine  4:27  
Your son would never drive a truck like that. Oh, no. I'll be like

Chris  4:30  
he'd rather walk. Oh, yeah,

Mary Catherine  4:31  
I'll take my bike Dad.

Chris  4:33  
That's that's what's wrong with these kids today.

Mary Catherine  4:35  
I know. They're all our fault for not making them get an $800 truck

Chris  4:39  
with all the floorboard. Well, the car he's getting is not the best, but still, it's better. I'm gonna drill

Mary Catherine  4:45  
some holes in the bottom Yeah,

Chris  4:47  
I mean, Lillard literally, I would have to start this truck with a wooden handled screwdriver, so you can get a shot so I wouldn't get shocked. That's how that's how bad this truck was.

Mary Catherine  4:57  
And now you know more about science than he ever will. So here's Vizio then Jacqueline. Right? So I text her, which isn't great. But she was at work. And I wanted her to know that she could work those days because that's a currency she understands, too, because she actually has jlb. And she has to pay for things. So out working not great hours, good hours equals money. Right. But she was mad. Because we weren't going to Jamaica. And I had a tiny Christmas tree.

Chris  5:26  
Yeah. Because we had already decided, you know what, we're not gonna be here. We're leaving Christmas Day, right? Why get a you know, 15 foot tree like we always do. Let's, you decided to get a little three foot tree.

Mary Catherine  5:39  
It's so cute. It's like a planet yet. Yeah. But there are a couple of reasons. I decided that one I don't mind get paying for a Christmas tree. Right. When it supports our church, youth group for our boys,

Chris  5:56  
we've been doing that for multiple, multiple our whole

Mary Catherine  5:59  
lives together. Right. And well, since they've been doing it. Yeah. But because of the Rona. Who ruins everything. Yeah, I hate that. It's a slog this Rona, the boys haven't been able to meet. So they're not doing Christmas trees. So we don't even have a place to get our Christmas tree. Right. And weirdly enough, I can't spend the same amount of money at Fred Meyer to get a Christmas tree. Right. And if I'm going to get a Christmas tree when I was a kid, we would go out and get a Christmas tree from a tree farm. While our tree farm Yes, because we had tree farms. So I can't get a fake tree. It's against it doesn't run in my blood to get a fake tree. When I met you remember your first Christmas we were dating? You had a fake tree?

Chris  6:43  
Well, you know, here's the thing. I believe that Christmas is about Jesus's birth. Right? And that's what it's about. Sure, right? It's not for me. It's not about a tree. It's not about presence. I don't even care if I get presence noted. Right. And it has nothing. It's not about lights. It's not about you know, what

Mary Catherine  7:07  
do you call them bowl? What

Chris  7:08  
do you call that stuff? You throw in the tree? The Silver stuff?

Mary Catherine  7:11  
That's from the 80s that's called tensile?

Chris  7:13  
Yeah. tensile it's not about tensile for me. So, you know, I get it. I get why people like Christmas trees. It's very, they're very festive and beautiful. But for me not not such a big deal. Yeah, well, anyway,

Mary Catherine  7:25  
she got over the tree pretty quick. And then, you know,

yeah, yeah.

Chris  7:31  
I speaking of Jacqueline, yes. Earlier, or later, in the lat last week, I guess. middle of the week. I tech. I accidentally dialed her phone number. You bet. Tyler Yes, I held her. And this is what I was thinking. Because then I immediately was like, oh, shoot, and I turned it off. Right. I hung up on the phone. Yeah. And then I quickly texted her and said, Sorry, that was me. I just butt dialed you. Yeah. And then I started thinking after I had said that, yeah. Where did that term come from? Because I didn't really but dialer, I actually hit the button with my finger accidentally. But now I guess every time we dial somebody on an accident, we just say but dial.

Mary Catherine  8:14  
I think it's because remember when the phones used to have the buttons on the outside, and they weren't flat?

Oh, yeah. Right, like on the blackberries.

And dudes would stick their phones in their back pocket. Sure. And then you'd sit and you'd call somebody or move a certain way or bend over to pick something up. And all of a sudden you're on the phone with grandma.

Chris  8:35  
Yeah. But why didn't we change that? When we stopped having phones like that missed out? I missed dial g right. I still say but dialed and it just reminds me of the other thing that when I tell Harrison to roll up the window before he gets up the truck, what have you he's not rolling up any window. He's pushing a button and a button.

Mary Catherine  8:54  
up the window.

Chris  8:57  
There button up the window. Close

Mary Catherine  8:58  
the window. Close the window. Maybe? Yeah,

Chris  9:01  
I don't know. It's weird how? How we talk about stuff these days. Well,

Mary Catherine  9:05  
we're old too. So some things that we use. that weren't very appropriate when we were kids.

Chris  9:13  
Like what? words? Yes, we Yeah, we did use a lot of words that were

Mary Catherine  9:19  
like What did you call flip flops when your kids songs?

Chris  9:25  
Okay, didn't we?

Mary Catherine  9:26  
That's not what we called them. Would

Chris  9:27  
you call them? Is it a bad word?

Mary Catherine  9:30  
We used to call them jet flaps. Oh, that's not okay. No, it's not okay.

Chris  9:34  
That is not okay. I've never called them that. You're a racist.

Mary Catherine  9:38  
I was I guess I didn't know. We had a lot of terms racial terms that I grew up with.

Chris  9:45  
This is really taken a bad turn here.

Mary Catherine  9:47  
I know. I'm not going to go into all the terms I used to say. I'm just saying. I think that we've gotten a little better with our vocabulary, right? And really been a little more thoughtful with our nomenclature. Yeah.

Chris  10:00  
I think so to and it goes back for me to kindergarten when we would sit Indian style. Yeah. How awful was that? I don't know. I just think it's a one

Mary Catherine  10:11  
I thought of Indian style. I thought of like, Native American Indians, right? I grew. I lived on the reservation for a while. So Oh, yeah, that was in my it's different till. But if you're going to sit Indian style, like people that live in India, who actually do sit like that? Often? It's But why? Yeah. So anyway,

Chris  10:34  
we could, we could go down this rabbit hole.

Mary Catherine  10:37  
We weren't prepared for that though.

Chris  10:39  
I just wanted to talk about but dial. Oh, I wasn't getting into the footwear.

Mary Catherine  10:43  
Yeah, so the footwear but there's a lot of things that we say that come from weird places. euphemisms. I think they're what they're called. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  10:51  
yeah.

Chris  11:09  
So we've talked about self awareness before Hathaway,

Mary Catherine  11:12  
we probably I'm sure it's come up

Chris  11:15  
come up on the on the podcast at some point.

Mary Catherine  11:18  
I think our banter lead to self awareness. Like it like was a good segue.

Chris  11:22  
Are you self aware of the rat

Mary Catherine  11:25  
race I

Chris  11:25  
used to be right. So really, in almost every area of life, whether it's business or dating or politics, the ability to assess someone's level of self self awareness is crucial. Right? I see this at work all the time. People that are not self aware.

Mary Catherine  11:43  
Yeah, those people that walk right between you and somebody who are having a conversation.

Chris  11:49  
Right, right. So So yeah, exactly. People sometimes just don't see things away. Everybody sees them, or everybody should see them. Yes. And that's not and that's all of us. All right. All of us have some lack of self awareness in some way.

Mary Catherine  12:06  
Yes. Especially teenagers.

Chris  12:08  
Oh, boy, they're the worst,

Mary Catherine  12:10  
because it's everybody else's fault. When you're a teenager,

Chris  12:12  
teenagers are the worst. And we'll talk about that here in a second. Okay. So if you want to develop an eye for spotting low self awareness, you got to train yourself to look at, there's actually six signs that we're going to look at three this week. And then next week, we're going to look at another three because these are I think, very important. I want to touch base on all six of them. Okay,

Mary Catherine  12:33  
you want us to meditate on these three this week? And

Chris  12:35  
I do I want you to madam listeners, I want you to listen to these, these three things we're going to talk about today, and I want you to really think about him through the week. And are you noticing people in your life that are not self aware?

Mary Catherine  12:46  
Are you that person? That person

Chris  12:48  
right? I know for me, I am oftentimes this person that lacks self awareness. So the first thing is really never admitting mistakes. Do you know anybody Mary

Mary Catherine  12:59  
Harrison?

Chris  13:01  
Does not miss does not admit to their mistakes?

Mary Catherine  13:06  
Well, maybe I'm sitting across the table from them.

Chris  13:09  
I've been known to not admit mistakes, because and I'll tell you why. Admitting mistakes, yes, or not admitting it mistakes, I should say, willingness to fail, often a sign of deep insecurity, oh, I've got a little insecurity about things. Okay. I have a hard time acknowledging small mistakes, or medium mistakes, or big mistakes, right. I, to me, it's about fear and feeling inadequate. Like I, if I admit that I've made a mistake, then I'm obviously inadequate. I wonder I'm perfect. I'm not. I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. I am not perfect. Not that I want to be perfect, but I want to be closer to perfect. It's a

Mary Catherine  13:59  
it's a it's a hard level to hold yourself to. Is that near perfection? Yeah. And I think I think that once we grapple with, yeah, I'm broken. And I'm going to make mistakes. You wouldn't purposely choose to do that. And I think that best intention like you wouldn't purposefully choose to do that you've made you blundered into a little mistake. And owning up to it is actually growth, which is hard, right? But you have to be in a place where you are okay with that growth, is to accept that you're not perfect, or that that's an unreasonable expectation.

Chris  14:49  
I feel like you're in my therapist right now.

Mary Catherine  14:52  
Well, it's hard. I do it too, but I'm more willing to see because you and I come from two different places. You don't Want to be wrong? And I'm pretty sure I am. Like, I'm readily like, okay, right, right, like, but I do want to talk about it sometimes like, wait, because this was my thinking. So if my thinking is wrong, let's talk about it. Because I want to make sure that next time, I also have gained the insight from your point of view.

Chris  15:21  
Right? I, on the other hand, just want to be in denial that I'm wrong. Oh, I want to, I want you to just say I'm right, even though you know that I'm not. That's not gonna happen. No, it's not. So if it's hard to be self aware, if you're not able to be vulnerable, right? And in a close relationship, like, yeah, a friendship or a marriage or family, you should be able to feel vulnerable, I sometimes lack that ability, I think,

Mary Catherine  15:52  
well, men in particular, or whoever the head of the household is, it's traditional, in a traditional sense, sure. You have a lot of things that you carry for the family. Yeah. So you carry our finances, you carry our, you know, our safety, that we're all happy that the we're fed, that we're encouraged, and to the detriment of yourself sometimes, because you put your needs and wants second, which is what a lot of people in relationships do. And then those around you get really comfortable with being the highlight of the world. Yeah. And then when you're like, wait a minute, I have to take care of me for a minute, then they're like, but you know, it's that spoiled entitlement that occurs to Right, right. So you have to tread this fine line of keeping the balance of keeping us all happy and healthy and, and fed. And LED, but also taking care of yourself.

Chris  17:02  
Right, right. And you have to at some point, just understand that mistakes are gonna happen are gonna happen, you're gonna you're not gonna be perfect. They're just about, you know, what we are and who we are right part of us. And they don't define us. So

Mary Catherine  17:17  
yeah, and we haven't

done this yet. No. What do you mean? Like, I'm 47? Yeah, I have never done this day yet. And there are things that I have not come into. I haven't experienced yet. So I don't have that knowledge to know how to deal with it.

Chris  17:31  
Right. Right. Now I hear you. So the next thing about people that are not self aware is they have problems. Well, I shouldn't say they have problems doing this. They are really good at it. And that's criticizing others. Oh, yeah. So here's the thing about criticizing people. It's kind of fun. Right? It feels good. At least in the moment,

Mary Catherine  17:55  
right? Especially if the person's a jerk. Yeah. Oh, yeah. pile it on.

Chris  18:00  
Yeah. So if if you criticize someone else for saying something dumb, for example, right, right. You're implying that you're smart,

Mary Catherine  18:09  
right? You're better than them?

Chris  18:10  
Yeah, you're much better than them. Mm hmm. Right. And that that kind of feels good. Right. And that sounds kind of awful. It is awful, is a very awful thing. When you criticize someone's taste and style or their aesthetics. They're implying you're implying that they're that you're sophisticated, and they're not, which also feels good, I think. Right?

Mary Catherine  18:32  
Yeah.

Chris  18:33  
I think I'm, I think I'm a much better dresser than many people. I know. You are. That's awful, though. You say that?

Mary Catherine  18:41  
That's true. Right? And I guess if that's where your worth comes from?

Chris  18:46  
Well, yeah, that's exactly right. And it goes right back to never admitting mistakes, too, right. It's comes from a deep insecurity, right? I might not feel secure and a lot of things in my life. But boy, if I can, you know, put on a nice pair of slacks and a shirt and tie. Right. I have something that I can show that I'm good at, I guess.

Mary Catherine  19:08  
Yeah, it's that shallow. If it looks nice. It must be nice. Right? Right. Yeah.

Chris  19:13  
But what does it say about someone if they have such a strong need to feel better than other people putting somebody else down? Yeah, that's a bummer. Right?

Mary Catherine  19:24  
Yeah. But and I noticed that teenagers do that a lot. And it's done in security, right. And all of the teenagers we've had in this house, have all gone through a phase where they mock the television, right? They mock things and people and even to the detraction of a movie sometimes, like last night Spike Lee. Yeah, like Harrison was criticizing one of the cuts in the spy clean movie, the raging. And I was like, Oh, yeah, you might want to get on the horn and go ahead and give Spike Lee a call and Chris Take his Yeah,

Chris  20:01  
give him some, some feedback. Like, you know, I'm pretty sure that Spike Lee is maybe he hasn't won an Oscar, but he's been nominated. I'm

Mary Catherine  20:11  
pretty sure he's pretty great at what he does. I mean, yeah. And who are you? Right? Like, good math. I was just, instead of being annoyed by it now I've started like, finding the funny in it,

Chris  20:25  
right. And when you're constantly trying to feel good about yourself, you really have no time to learn about yourself, you know. So like, if he's been like, Harrison, for example, is criticizing all these things right now. He's not really learning about himself. But I'm just picking on him because he's our model for this right now. But he's a teenager, but guess what? Yeah.

Mary Catherine  20:49  
But he's not alone. No other teenagers with that in our lives have done it too. And he's

Chris  20:53  
not alone in this house right now. Right? Well, quite honestly, I know. I've done that before. Right. You know, I, if I'm watching a movie or listen to some music, or Yeah, reading something, I'm like, Who thinks like that? Right? My way of thinking is so much better. Yes, that person is dumb. Yes, they think that way, right.

Mary Catherine  21:13  
And I've, I gotta admit this, there's this person that I work with that comes in to my room. And always the worst timing, like, I'm going to be busy or whatever. The person is a long talker. Lots to say, lots of helpful things to say, say, really kind person soft spoken. Right. If you know me, I'm none of those things. Drives me crazy, right? And over the years, I have learned to appreciate this person. Yeah. Because I do see all the great that happens. Even though this person rubs me the wrong way. And I know it's my problem. Like, it's my problem. I am not, I don't have the eloquence of language that she has. Now I've taken the gender out of it, I've done it. And I don't have the I just, I don't have the persevering patience that this person has. So I'm, it's my own. It's like a glaring mirror to me. Yeah. And when I have to pause and be patient, it's making me a better person having this person in my life, who I at first was just like, please get away from me. Isn't that horrible?

Chris  22:34  
It is horrible. But at least you are self aware enough to realize that it's something that you need. And that will help you.

Mary Catherine  22:43  
Yeah,

Chris  22:43  
I guess I mean, that shows that you have some self awareness. Yes. Right. I think that's the goal, the end goal, right? We're none of us are perfect. And we're going to we're going to criticize others, we're going to never admit mistakes in some cases, right. Yeah. But But if you're self aware enough to see those things happening in our own selves, I think that is very positive. Sure. So I guess the real tragedy of just being hyper critical of people. Yeah. You know, all that time and energy spent trying to boost self esteem, just often comes at the cost of being able to do the hard work of learning more about yourself and like self reflecting.

Mary Catherine  23:25  
Yes. Well, and I want to add to that, when you are always hyper critical of other people, all you're doing in your brain is your reticular activating system is always looking at criticism at criticizing other people because it wants to confirm your biases. Yeah. And now you're making all these pathways of criticism and negativity. And we all know people who, in our lives, who that's the thing, you could have a totally funny experience. And they would find the negative in it. Or you could find, say something joyful or try to do something nice. And they find the negative right away like a laser just. And that's because they have wired their brains to be critical.

Chris  24:13  
It's awkward talk about teenagers with this problem, right? Can you imagine why? No, we don't have to imagine we've seen it in some people, I guess, that you get to be 20 or 30. Or Yeah, you're 50 and you've never addressed that issue. Yeah. I've never become self aware to address that issue. Yeah, it's bad. Really bad. Like you see people that just cannot see the good in anything now. Yeah. And it becomes this negative cloud that you see above them as they walk into a room,

Mary Catherine  24:47  
right, and it really impacts their relationships with their family, friends, the type of people they attract to them because you're gonna attract like type people. So now your life is surrounded with negative It's really hard.

Chris  25:01  
Yeah. Yeah. Another thing that that sulfur, the people that lack self awareness, really avoid making hard decisions. Like really, really getting in there and making a decision being very, what's the word I'm looking for? The size the size of quickly and making decisions, right. So being chronically indecisive, indecisive usually means a lack of confidence and fear of being judged or making mistake. Right. So going back to never miss admitting mistakes. Yeah, same kind of thing. You don't want to make those hard decisions. I remember thinking about starting a podcast, my first podcast, right, right. And I did everything. Yeah, remember? Do you remember I'm buying microphones on this? I'm putting, I'm figuring out how to record and put it into the computer and all this stuff. But I wasn't making a podcast, because I didn't want to make that hard decision of just starting,

Mary Catherine  26:07  
right. Yeah, the stuff I was starting is hard.

Chris  26:10  
Because I was afraid. I didn't like the way my voice sounded on on tape. I didn't

Mary Catherine  26:15  
yet it was one of the reasons that I fell in love.

Chris  26:17  
Stop. But it's hard to make hard decisions when you're not self aware of what's going on around you. Right? If you're, if you're worried about other things, right? Yep. So people who are self aware, tend to do a lot of psychological experimenting. So instead of just blindly accepting the thought that others will think I'm foolish if I speak up and voice my opinion, they test it out. Alright, yeah, this is I think back to being in school. Yeah, high school, college, whatever. And I always had a problem voicing my opinion, because I didn't want to be wrong,

Mary Catherine  26:58  
or offend somebody else. Right? You're still very sensitive to offending other people.

Chris  27:04  
Well, I don't want to hurt people's feelings.

Mary Catherine  27:06  
Cuz you're a really nice guy. Yeah. I'm

Chris  27:07  
a nice guy. I

Mary Catherine  27:08  
can't help it. Me. On the other hand, no, you

Chris  27:10  
don't have a problem with that. I don't. And I envy you for that.

Mary Catherine  27:14  
But I have to say I'm sorry, a lot more than you do. That's true. But I mean, it's true. Like, I'll go blindly into something, state something, and then have somebody address it to me in a different way. And I go, Oh, yeah, that I'm sorry about that. Yeah. Right. But I'm learning things too.

Chris  27:36  
Right. And maybe that's what I'm where I struggle. I think I'm better at it now. Just because oh, yeah, over the years that, you know, just in my job, I've had to be more outspoken about things. So and I've had to make hard decisions and really on the fly. Mm hmm. That helps when you're putting put into those positions. Right. Right. But if you're chronically avoiding hard decisions by procrastinating Yeah, or, or just being passive, yeah. It's definitely a sign that you're willing to look at your own mind objectively. Right.

Mary Catherine  28:10  
And these could be things with anxiety and depression. Yes. You know, I know that one of our children doesn't like to make important phone calls, right? Because of this fear, and anxiety.

Chris  28:27  
And so I can relate to that one. Yeah, I am not a big Phone Guy. And I get that from somebody else in my family.

Mm hmm. I,

I'm always afraid. And I don't know if it happened if if something happened on a phone call at some point where I was hurt or let down or something. I don't like to make the phone call. Because I'm always afraid that I might get an answer that I'm not happy with. So you're assuming the worst, I am assuming the worst. Exactly. Right. And that's what and that's sometimes why I avoid hard decisions, because I don't want to see what's on the other side.

Mary Catherine  29:01  
Yeah. And that's tough.

Chris  29:03  
Yeah. But again, I'm self aware of that. Right? That doesn't make me lack self awareness. What it does make me do is, is really struggle with that and trying to get through that as hard,

Mary Catherine  29:18  
right?

Chris  29:18  
That's doing hard things as we say things. And I'm not perfect at that all the time either.

Mary Catherine  29:24  
Yeah.

Chris  29:24  
Do you have a hard time avoiding view avoid hard decisions? Sometimes?

Mary Catherine  29:29  
I do. I don't like calling TRICARE.

Chris  29:37  
Oh, that's a TRICARE for those of you that don't know is insurance through the military, which we we have

Mary Catherine  29:46  
Federal Insurance.

Chris  29:48  
And that's a that's a tough call.

Mary Catherine  29:50  
So it causes PTSD. I just I am so annoyed with actually it's gotten better under Trump. Yeah, I can give Trump like High five on that one. But it's gotten better. And things have gotten a lot faster and a lot smoother and the care and the level of care has increased a lot. So that's good. But just anything military related, that I have to fix. Yeah. Drives me crazy.

Chris  30:21  
Yeah. Democrats tonight that yes, I do avoid hard decision? I

Mary Catherine  30:25  
do. I do. But I think that because of my job when I have to have these conversations with families, during meetings, I think that that's kind of helped me just say things that need to be said, right, or just to do things that need to be done. Yeah. But the other thing is, I'm also a task person and not a time person. So if I want to do a task, I want to sit down and actually do a task. I don't want to be interrupted. And I think that sometimes when you're on the phone, the opportunity for interruption is high. True. And I can't be interrupted when I'm trying to think

Chris  31:03  
I get it. Yeah. So we'll go ahead and stop there for for this week. Just remember that we all have some room for improvement when it comes to self awareness. So you might see this and others. If you do the best thing, you can have an honest conversation about it. If you see these, yeah, right. If you see these things in yourself, or if others tell you about yourself, just don't be defensive. That's the thing, right? Let's listen and try to see it from their perspective and then take some steps to identify what makes you lack self awareness and then what you can do about it,

Mary Catherine  31:41  
and I would really put it out there that I would work on you first, like look in the mirror on you first before you start going, or do you owe me the per each individual AUDIENCE MEMBER listening, but it's like, don't go around? Working on everybody else's?

Chris  31:59  
Yes. Self Awareness. Learn about make sure you're self aware yourself? Yes. before telling others to be more self aware.

Mary Catherine  32:07  
Yes.

Chris  32:08  
Good idea.

Mary Catherine  32:09  
Thanks.

Unknown Speaker  32:16  
Mary. Catherine loves inspirational quotes. They inspire her. And here she is with one.

Mary Catherine  32:24  
indecision may or may not be my problem. Jimmy Buffett.

Chris  32:30  
I love that quote. It's funny.

Mary Catherine  32:33  
It's a good one. It's

Chris  32:34  
funny. indecision may or may not be my problem. That's right. He can't decide.

Mary Catherine  32:38  
But he's done well for himself. So there's that he has

Chris  32:42  
Yes, that's the truth.

Mary Catherine  32:51  
Thanks for joining us this week. If you'd like to be part of the we do hard things community text, Wd HT pod 244222 and get free updates news and special offers from us. If you enjoy the show, and would like to help us keep going, you can do that one of two ways. First, please go to Apple podcasts and subscribe to the show and leave us a rating and review. You can also go to buy me a coffee.com backslash w d h t and give us a one time donation.

Chris  33:26  
Also, just a reminder that we're in the middle of putting together a special episode in December about our favorite holiday movies. Thanks to all of you who have sent in your favorites. If you'd still like to give us your input. You can either email us at Chris Mary at W DHT podcast comm or just go to the show notes below. And use the Facebook page or voicemail link to leave us a message. We'd love to hear from you and share your thoughts and stories. Thanks and have a great week,

Mary Catherine  34:01  
too. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai